Finding myself: I’ve discussed this topic before, but this is something that I have struggled with on a daily basis.In a world where, well, the world is at your fingertips, it is so hard not to get pulled in every direction. And to compare. Dear Lord, the comparison – it’s enough to drive any human absolutely and utterly insane.
I think Pinterest is the most terrible and wonderful technical creation since the invention of the computer. Truly, how would I know how to bake the perfect chocolate chip cookie, or wear the perfect top-knot bun, or apply the perfect bronzer, or find that perfect 15-minute buns of steel workout, if not for Pinterest? But somewhere along the line, this bombardment of inspiration becomes a visual overload and I have a meltdown. A serious, what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-myself-why-can’t-I-bake-that-golden-delicious-stonefruit-pie-and-pull-together-that-Martha-Stewart-lookalike-tablescape-with-perfectly-bloomed-flowers-and-gorgeous-hostess-hair kind of meltdown. I turn green with envy and right in that very moment I decide that THAT is what I want to do. Whatever it is, IT is the new thing. THAT is how I want to decorate. THAT is how I want to look. IT is who I am. But what I so often fail to realize is that while I may find something visually beautiful, it doesn’t make it fitting or necessary for my reality.
A prime example: a few years ago I fell into a “I want my house to look like a page from the Pottery Barn catalogue” obsession. And it just so happened that I was getting married and purchasing a home in the same short span of time. So, very conveniently, I had my wedding registry with Pottery Barn.
Needless to say, my home now looks like a page from Pottery Barn. And I hate it. Not because it isn’t beautiful, but because it isn’t ME. I fell into one style and came out regretting it. Not because I hate Pottery Barn, but because I was trying to emulate something in its entirety without taking my personality into consideration.
What I am finally beginning to recognize is that there isn’t – or shouldn’t be – just one style or image that is “you.” You can’t fit your life into a box, nor should you want to.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Pinterest. I read a few dozen blogs in any given week. I browse through hundreds of images on any given day. And every single day I am pulled in every direction. But instead of feeling the rise of that little green monster, I take it all with a grain of salt. Instead of narrowing in on any specific image, I look at them all as a whole and ask myself, “why am I drawn to these images?” Is it the serenity? The splash of color? The confidence? The sense of freedom?
By keeping an open mind and allowing myself to be pulled in every direction, without zeroing in on any one style or image, I have been able to better define myself and what it is I actually desire: a more carefree, laid-back, “unbuttoned” home (which is anything but Pottery Barn!).
(I’ve also learned that I really, REALLY need to transform my black thumb into a green one because all the images I am drawn to have some form of alive and well plant life.)
Kind of like psychotherapy, huh?! What styles are you drawn to and how has this helped you define your wants or end goal?